It’s the first week of the year and I already feel like I’m falling behind. I found myself extremely frustrated. I should have written down more goals. I should have done more reflecting. I should have my daily routine perfected.
This negative self-talk exhausts me and I have to focus to pull myself out of it. I work out five sometimes six days per week. I meditate nearly every morning. I write at least a page in my journal everyday. I’ve recently started forcing myself to sleep at a decent hour. So why do I feel like I’m not doing enough to be where I want to be emotionally and spiritually?
The short answer: I hold myself to a high standard because I was raised to believe I am capable of anything I set my mind to. I know that deep down to my core, but sometimes I fall short of my potential.
And this year I want to accept that it’s okay to not be exactly where I want to be! It’s okay to celebrate the small victories when the big ones are still out on the horizon. It’s okay to honor myself even when I’m not living my dream life. So what if some days I can’t get to everything on my to-do list? So what if someone has a beautiful, healthy relationship? A more successful career than me? Lifts more than me in the gym? Writes everyday?
My story isn’t theirs.
2020 was a rough year. A lot of things happened that were out of anyone’s control. I understand this happens every year, that there will always be things that I physically cannot change. And I’m learning to be okay with that, to accept the way things are, to understand that not everything plays out how I’d like it to.
I can’t always control the external world, but I can always control my internal world. In 2021, I want to be gentle with myself, I want to trust the process, and meet myself with grace every step of the way.